Your Family Reshaped

A happy life after divorce recovery.

Yesterday I was reminded of something I now feel I might have been forgetting.

Let me explain.

Family can be your greatest friends. They can also become your worst enemies. Divorce forces a detachment from what was and creates a new blank screen that has to be filled. Life won’t allow otherwise.

During my shocking and horrible divorce, I had the realisation of a full-on attack from family members I just didn’t expect. I needed support but had a violent attack from places I didn’t see it coming from. Of course, I wasn’t the only victim.

Divorce left a deep and huge scar wound in a lot of my families lives including my own. Once that wound heals it leaves a scar. Divorce scars are tougher and can leave you wondering how to recover from divorce.

So in this new life, you have a scar to carry that leaves you tougher with slightly less sensitivity and very protective of self.

It also leaves you closed tight with a fear of being hurt once more.


Life as a force says you have to return back to humanity and serve your purpose as a human, a man, a woman. That purpose is to be alive and use the potential of your life. Part of the purpose of life is to create happiness (it really doesn’t just happen) and be part of a group that you relate to.

So yesterday I spent a day with my wife at my brother’s home. He has five young children and lives by a lake. We arrived, spent the day talking and fishing (I caught 3 large Pike – that’s another story) …and eating.

I loved it.

I loved playing with the kids.

I loved taking time in a large open area next to the lake where we could exercise our senses to enjoy the moment. And of course, everyone shares their experiences of life. Who is doing what and those that have done the thing that some are doing can share their own travels whilst doing that same thing.

I had a few years of absolute chaos. Yesterday reminded me that life is there for the taking yet we have to define life. Life is the same energy stream it is for a beggar on the street – we are all in the stream of life. Yet the decisions we make are the decisions that define us into what and where we are right now.

I could have very easily have been without my family today.


I chose a path that was misty, foggy and blurred at first but has eventually started to reveal a new definition of family.

The family may not be what is once or what you want it to be. Yet family is flexible, moldable and can be changed as long as you know what it is you want.

At the end of Tolstoy’s War and Peace, I cried when the final scene takes place where all those that opposed each other before the War and family dramas came together as a new family of a completely different shape.

It is a defining moment in the shaping and reshaping of a family. I cried when I watched and read it.

There are some in your family or life that will never be part of your new shaped family and will never agree to where you are right now. They are fixed on the past – of the past that cannot be returned or ever revisited. They are inflexible and fixed by the restraining mantras of Zoomanity and it’s Zoomanic sleeping repetitions.


Once these pasts are in and surrounded the new shape of the family these can be impressed with indirect words and actions that this is the new shape of a stronger family that has been scarred by the past yet strengthened for today.

Some of these people you simply have to let go for now yet the day could be coming that they will become part of your new family.

I loved yesterday. I loved everything about the day and it felt new and old with a new reshaped format.

I am happy to be reminded that family is still there in a new form there yet reminded that there are always times when you have to take actions to create that new form.

The past has passed.

The old things can rarely be recreated.

I hope you have been reminded of something.

And just know you can recover from divorce.


Alan Forrest Smith